Shannon Costello

Our last small group study was about peace, then the sermon was from Matthew 20, about the vineyard workers that expected to be paid more because they worked all day.  We are all like those angry workers, the pastor said, all indignant because we didn’t get more than we deserve.  Spanish church was about the fruits of the Spirit- peace and patience.  I came away from all that feeling like I was making some progress, a mountain top moment where you really realize, deep down, that being barren really is a light and momentary trouble compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ…

I was telling my father about this and bemoaning the fact that it took me seven years to get to this point.  Yes, he said, and you’ll spend years more working through it some more.  He likened it to driving from my house to Yellowstone.  “The good news is that we just left Maryland behind…”

The next stage was a faint sense of irritation- had it really been that easy?  What about all that pain?

And by last night I was busy choking back tears again.

I find that it is hard to talk about it in person without laughing at myself.  No wonder…no wonder Sarah laughed…even though she was wrong….

Someday, though, I won’t be so dysfunctional…someday I won’t be dysfunctional at all.  Everything I thought last weekend is still true.  It’s only compared to the glory that is to come that our troubles are light and momentary…here they can still be pretty heavy.