Put your hope in…
December 17th, 2009Sometimes I realize how profoundly shocking it is that I am childless- a long-held assumption of mine that may be just wrong.
I’m writing about it now because I don’t want my sense of fulfillment to depend on motherhood. Getting to that point is a process, of course, and I’m hardly there yet.
The most common conversation I have about this these days involves me telling someone I’d like to have children but that it hasn’t happened and doesn’t seem all that likely to me that it will happen. The response (what else could they say?) is a smile and “well, you never know…”
I’ve been thinking about hope. Hope in God doesn’t disappoint, but hope in pregnancy does- about once a month, actually. 
In a recent conversation re: Mother’s Day presentations at church, the question arose: how should it be handled? The formerly childless one felt hurt/slighted but another said that there is nothing wrong with the concept of publicly honoring mothers. Reminds me, also, of another woman who has only sons and felt hurt at the concept of a mother/daughter function. The conclusion of the matter: be sensitive. With regard to your situation, what response would you most like to hear from well-meaning listeners with only a few seconds to react to a difficult statement?
Incidentally, there are also plenty of people hoping along with you.
It’s nice if people are sensitive, but childless or daughterless or spouseless women (or whatever) need to learn to live with it too, right? That’s also the bit that matters more to me.
I’m not sure what I’d most like to hear…maybe it’s as simple as the standard husband-wife problem…she wants someone to listen and he wants to fix it. If that’s the case, a “that’s hard” comment seems like it would be fine.
But I can live with the standard, too…just as long as I don’t have to feel that way about it. And that might be the bitterness talking. If I write about this long enough, it could be interesting to look back when I have more perspective and see how bitter I am/was.
About hope- I meant that I’m not really focused/mildly opposed to hoping about getting pregnant. Better just to not think about it like that.