Working in the Kitchen on a Frosty Winter Morning
February 12th, 2008As I prepare to clean the oven,
I peruse the warnings carefully giv’n.
“Of this fine cleaner, please, beware!
Mind our cautions and take care!”
“Twill rot your eyes and burn your skin-
And hurt your throat- so don’t breath in!
Allow fresh air, ventilation bold-”
“Oh no!” I cried, “It’s much too cold!”
With purpose set and gloves in hand
I forced the lid from off the can.
Oh choking fumes! A coughing fit!
The window must unshut! That’s it!
From this same oven tonight I’ll take
Hot enchiladas freshly baked.
(And tasting slightly, by the bye,
of ethylene glycol, pine oil, and lye.)
“…Steering wheel sou-FLAY…”
“Again?”
You didn’t mention if you will be teaching after this “cleaning”!
Ha! Ha! Cows in the stockyard!
I too have a poem…
As I prepare to clean MY oven
I stare at cold metal….devoid of my lovin!
Why use poison…don’t have time
Bicarbonate Soda to clean this grime.
I can taste it, bake it, and swallow it too
It will clean my oven…turn my tongue to glue!
No need of fresh air…odors be gone!
Bicarbonate Soda will get the job done!
From this same oven, tonight I’ll take
firewood chicken…overly baked
with a light white coating…that I’ve seen before
OH! I forgot to clean the door!
With fiendish delight I watch the faces
twist, contort as they go through the paces
of chewing, spitting and jumping around
stomping that chicken into the ground!
I excuse myself…try to keep my face straight
nearly bursting with laughter at their miserable state
when suddenly I hit the dusty trail
of Bicarbonate Soda…my arms and legs flail
They watch my face with fiendish delight
twist and contort as I struggle to wipe
a very thin coating that I’ve seen before
pointing the way to that infamous “door”!
That’s great! Who else would like to share?
Withdrawing family membership forthwith…
That’s the best part….you’re stuck with us!
You have to admit there are some priceless rhymes in there- like oven and lovin’…maybe not quite up to hoot, hoot, hoot and shoot, shoot, shoot, but still good stuff.
I left out an early version line that rhymed California with abandon ya (inspired by: This product contains agents known to the state of California to cause cancer.)
To concerned sister….shall I post some of your writings?….Which incidentally…I do have!
Your oven adventures would not be a chore-
If you only used them as a place to store
Your pots and pans and junk galore
Or a little mouse house he could adore!
I will not rub in your hard working faces-
My oven self cleans all its dirty spaces.
Though I try not to use it even in the cold
I send Bill out to grill (I am very bold!)
Part of this family I am happy to be
Because my sister in law makes it safe for a tree
Her daughters must learn
That even when there is burn
They must take their turn
To keep our world clean from harsh chemicals!
By the way I for one would love to see some of the early works of the Weeks girls. I could also add some classics of their father that I happen to have in my treasure box.
I want to see some of those early works, Aunty!
actually they are not poetry but contracts that he forced me to sign when he was lending me money from his paper route. I will find them and share.