Manners provide a veneer of caring and interest in others over the selfishness that naturally exists in people. (This definition is more negative than I intended, but it works.) It is a social expectation that acquaintances will exchange greetings and well-wishes upon meeting. I am interested in the question of when these interactions are judged to be an example of hypocrisy rather than politeness.
Let's consider two neighbors, Bob and Joe. They do not like each other. When they see each other on the street or in a store, they will greet each other with a ‘good morning’ and a ‘how are you doing?’. Neither of them actually cares how the other person is doing or truly wishes him well. They do this because it is a social norm.
Now let's take up the case of two co-workers, Greg and Tony. They despise each other though they try to hide that from the rest of the people at their office. Greg is actively working to get Tony fired and Tony knows this. Yet when they meet in the break room or at a work social function, they exchange pleasantries accompanied by smiles.
When does public politeness become hypocrisy or does it?
Comments
I have been puzzling over this one for years...how about a situation wherein the people have (very nearly) literally not spoken in years, but still exchange birthday gifts? If the gifts are delivered out of some sense of moral obligation, why is the polite greeting not similarly offered? Often we oversimplify by saying let's do everything out of love...but that returns us to your question...sometimes it may be more loving to not say anything and give the person some space, whereas other times it would be more loving to be polite despite personal feelings...are these then cases of situational ethics?
Posted by: Jess on Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Since some have asked, neither of the situations described in the post exist in my part of the world as far as I know.
Jess, I think manners and politeness can be very situational (not sure ethics is the right word). I still have some thoughts brewing on this so there will probably be another post coming.
Posted by: CJ on Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Further thoughts:
I guess you could look at it as which is the lesser of evils...impoliteness or hypocrisy. How to decide?
Motivation probably has a lot to do with it...people are often impolite unintentionally.
In a situation such as walking into church on Sunday, it would be impractical to greet all 200 of your acquaintances...
In a public arena, someone such as a politician or celebrity is going to "get it" from the media either way...both perceived rudeness and perceived hypocrisy are harshly judged...damned if you do, damned if you don't...
Posted by: Jess on Wednesday, April 25, 2007